var quotes = new Array;

quotes.push("God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.");

quotes.push("Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.");

quotes.push("Civilization is the distance man has placed between himself and his excreta. - Brian Aldiss");

quotes.push("All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy - Spike Milligan (1918-2002)" );

quotes.push("The winner is the one who has had the most fun at the end");

quotes.push("All Scottish food is based on a dare");

quotes.push("Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia. Unless you're in Australia... (then start worrying)");

quotes.push("I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.");

quotes.push("A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking");

quotes.push("Another month ends. All targets met. All systems working. All customers satisfied. All staff eagerly enthusiastic. All pigs fed and ready to fly.");

quotes.push("Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!");

quotes.push("I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.");

quotes.push("They can't fire me. Slaves have to be sold.");

quotes.push("Work hard for eight hours a day, and eventually you may become a boss and be able to work twelve.");

quotes.push("The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.");

quotes.push("It's a biiiig mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.");

quotes.push("Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has never worked in customer service.");

quotes.push("Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.");

quotes.push("If I had known my grandchildren would be so much fun I would have had them first!");

quotes.push("There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years or so won't cure.");

quotes.push("A program is a device used to convert data into error messages.");

quotes.push("Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape.");

quotes.push("Technical support is how much a minute? Only one other industry charges $3.99 a minute to talk to you, and at least you get some degree of pleasure out of that!");

quotes.push("Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.");

quotes.push("Murphy's best friend was a computer.");

quotes.push("Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.");

quotes.push("I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.");

quotes.push("We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?");

quotes.push("Don't steal, the government hates competition.");

quotes.push("Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.");

quotes.push("Millions of sperm and YOU were the fastest?");

quotes.push("Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.")

document.write(quotes[(Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length))]);